Irish Jokes

 

 Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in

 the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best

 friend, Finney.

 'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

 'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

 An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for

 speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the

 priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the

 car.

 He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

 'Just water,' says the priest.

 The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

 The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

 Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an

 important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

 Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a

 parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life

 and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

 Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

 Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

 Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man

 he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

 The man said, 'I do, Father..'

 The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

 Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

 'Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply.

 'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

 Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go

 to heaven?'

 O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

 The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when

 you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

 O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. ; I thought you were getting a

 group together to go right now.'

 Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a

 stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

 'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and

 knees.

 'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

 She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

Irish Joke #5

http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2017/03/irish-joke-5.html

Pax on both houses: Irish Joke

paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2015/01/irish-joke.html

Jan 17, 2015 - Irish Joke. An Irish Court. The judge says to a double murder defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.".

Pax on both houses: Irish Joke #4

paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2014/11/irish-joke-4.html

Nov 15, 2014 - Irish Joke #4. An Irish cop pulls Casey to the side o' the road. "Do you realize your wife fell outta the car two blocks back?" "Ah, thank God for ...

Pax on both houses: Irish Joke #3

paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2014/11/irish-joke-3.html

Nov 15, 2014 - Irish Joke #3. It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of Quigley's pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with ...

Pax on both houses: Irish Joke #2

paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2014/03/irish-joke.html

Mar 18, 2014 - Irish Joke #2. The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice in the ...

Pax on both houses: Great Irish Nun Joke

paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2013/11/great-irish-joke.html

Nov 3, 2013 - Great Irish Nun Joke. Two nuns are stopped at a traffic light when a carload of rowdies pulls alongside. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody ...

Pax on both houses: Irish Joke - Blogger

paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2013/04/irish-joke.html

Apr 18, 2013 - Irish Joke. Father O'Malley got out of bed, thanking God for the fine Spring day. Flinging the window wide, he took a breath from deep in his ...